Confessions of a Perfect Husband Part 2

By Hugh O’Neill

10 simple secrets that will keep her—and you—happy

4. Make the Lion’s Roar

Describing his important role during World War II, Winston Churchill once remarked that though he was no lion, it had fallen to him to make the lion’s roar. Every now and then, husbands have to get fierce, defiant on behalf of their team.

It won’t happen often, but when you are in a confrontational situation, where reason and soft words have failed—a dispute with a teacher, a vendor, a bill collector, your neighbor, your mother—be prepared to bark in unambiguous defense of your family. Don’t shrink from this obligation. Your wife’s regard for you will shrink if you do. display.

5. Be a Little Lamblike, Too

Yes, this contradicts the carnivorous idea above, but a husband is versatile: He can hammer the tee ball and feather the wedge. Softness and kindness and tenderness and all those traits that ain’t much use in the marketplace are pure gold when it comes to being a husband.

A good husband relies on his wife, values her counsel, trusts her to love him even though he’s not in command. We’re most human when we’re wounded or lost. Fred Rogers once said that the best gift you can give somebody is to gracefully receive his or her help. That enriches everybody, giver and getter alike. Now and then, wrap your arms around your wife and whisper that you’re a mite confused. Let her help you find your way.

6. Get Close

She needs closeness to feel sexual; you need sex to feel close.

This is the fundamental impenetrable puzzle of love. I have no idea what to do about this. But great husbands have this reality in mind at all times.

7. Be Touchy

Apparently, we touch our wives too infrequently—except, of course, when we are taxiing for takeoff. It pains me to cede any ground, but we’re guilty as charged. I know one husband who when he’s feeling conjugal actually touches his wife as though he cherishes her character. But in fact, he’s hoping to cherish her caboose in a kitchen quickie. She sees through me every time. Did I say me? I meant him.

Nonsexual touch is a potent, underused endorsement of another soul. As you’re heading out the door, give her upper arm a quick, affectionate double squeeze. As you’re walking into a party or to your table, put a guiding hand, lightly but surely, on her lower back. Some nothing-special Tuesday night while she’s standing at the sink doing the dishes, come up behind her and give her a kiss on the back of her head. It should be more than a peck—make it last 1.4 seconds.

Throw in a little grunt of gratitude; its message is only this: “I’m a lucky man.” Don’t linger behind her. No arms. No hint of pelvic urge. She’ll get cranky if she suspects you’re cruising for dessert while she’s scraping chicken gunk off a baking dish. Just drop the husband kiss on her noggin and get out of there. She’ll feel valued.

continue to Part 3